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Candice Bergen's Health Secret

2012-03-31T17:58:53Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntrye

Candice Bergen recently confessed to having a stroke in 2006. She kept her illness a secret, because as she told New York Magazine,  "She didn't want it to become a liability". Who doesn't understand that wisdom?

It's hard enough as we age to stay vibrant, motivated and in the loop of current events, without labeling ourselves a stroke victim. As we age, our value is continually downgraded until we have little or no worth to society. It's unfair, it's maddening and it's called age discrimination. But it is also a very real fact of life, that on the other side of 40, you start the decent in to old age.

Not having a stroke (yet), I find my memory waning. I have always kept a journal of daily appointments, conversations and job duties I need to perform. I feel very blessed to have developed such strong organizational skills in my youth, as they are invaluable to me in middle age. If you have never kept a journal, I highly recommend you start. Where we reboot our computers my defragmenting the hard drive, we can refresh our memories by reading our journals.

Candice Bergen recently made the statement that since her stroke, her memory isn't what it used to be. Who's is? There are days I feel that a name tag attached to my shirt would be an appropriate fashion accessory. It's easy to make jokes about our fading memories, but honestly, I do worry about dementia or Alzheimers robbing me of my life; my past and my future.

This is why eating healthy meals, exercising (both our brains and our bodies) becomes the key to remaining as sharp and in focus as we can possibly be. Too, many of us take short cuts in our lives. We eat fast food - verses healthy home cooked meals. We take the elevator - verses the stairs. We watch TV - verses reading a good murder mystery. There are so many activities we can participate in that will enhance and prolong our lives. Healthy lives that can be fully enjoyed for years to come.

I was a big fan of Candice Bergen in the 70's (Murphy Brown was ground breaking on so many different levels) and I'm still a huge fan of her's now. In fact, I find her even more incredible, after living a life rich in experiences. This is the best kept secret of aging; how truly knowledgeable we have become.

Question: Do find keeping your health issues private, helps you in your daily life?

Are You Struggling With Growing Older?

2012-02-25T20:12:47Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

All of us know at least one female over the age of 50 who still wears short skirts, the long layered hair do and the "much too, young" outfits that their daughters wear. Forty is a tough age, because at forty most women look great, so dressing younger then our years still works for us. But come fifty, it's time to re-think our wardrobes and to seriously reconsider what our wardrobe is saying to others.

Granted, there will always be women who are slim, toned and who age extremely well. Those women can indulge in more youthful clothing, but there still exists that fine line between fashion forward and fashion desperate.  Being fashion desperate is the attempt to remain youthful at all cost. Which as we know, is simply not possible.   Then there is fashion challenged. Fashion challenged is when we stop caring about our appearance, which was the category I was personally embracing.

While shopping in the city a month or so ago, I was surprised at how many older women there were shopping with me. Most the women had graying hair, but their hair was stylishly cut and groomed.  The ladies were dressed extremely well, taking great pride in their appearance. I can't tell you how reassuring that was to me. Turning gray, growing older was not the end of looking fabulous, it was simply a new twist in the road of life. It was proof positive that women can remain attractive at any age.

As I sat on the bench happily people watching (eating my pastry and drinking coffee), I began to analyze my own wardrobe. The fact is, I was looking a bit frumpy. My clothing was not taylored, but loose and comfortable. My shoes were flat loafers, also chosen for the comfort factor. My hair was washed and clean, but not styled.  It suddenly dawned on me; I had become lazy about my appearance.

For years I ironed daily, styled my hair, applied make up and chose my outfits with great
care. I worked in sales, so looking good was extremely important.  Back then, I also enjoyed the process of dressing.  I loved fixing up, buying new stylish outfits, because I felt really good about myself. For whatever reason, the last few years I haven't enjoyed the grooming process like I used to. I've found myself buying non-iron, wrinkle free clothing that stretches.  Being menopausal, just about everything in my closet stretches.

I made a mental note as I sat on the bench that day, that I was going to put more effort in to choosing what I wore.   I would continue to buy comfortable clothing, but I would concentrate more on the style and fit of what I wore. Taking pride in ourselves is very important. When we dress well, we feel better about ourselves and our lives. That's a proven fact. It's like living in a clean house or driving a car that's been detailed; you feel better when things are not cluttered and messy.

My New Year's resolution this year is to take more pride in myself. I'm kicking messy to the curb. I may not be as taylored as I once was, but I will make the additional effort to look good. I will put on make up before leaving the house and bed hair will no longer be an acceptable hair style outside the four walls of my home. Nor will wearing the hat that covers my bed hair be a standard fashion accessory.  Although, I have managed to accumulate a wonderful assortments of hats.

Question?   Are you aging gracefully? Are you happy with what you see, when you look in the mirror?

How Many Women Have Slept With Their Ex Husbands?

2012-02-25T19:42:27Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

When I first divorced, I really loathed my exhusband. Believe me, there were reasons we divorced...many, many reasons why. As time went by, I sort of forgot how horrible my ex could be, or how many of his traits I found impossible to put up with. As they say, time marches on, all wounds heal. Well, time marches on, but all wounds do NOT heal. They may mend, but they leave an ugly scar behind.

I liked the movie "It's Complicated" with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. I got why the two ex's hooked up... but the outcome was predictable. You can't go home again. Once your husband has betrayed you with another woman, you can't forget that betrayal.

Years after our divorce, I thought I could move past our bitter history, but I was wrong. When I least expected it, my mind would be littered with unpleasant memories of past misdeeds.  And along with those memories came feelings of anger for just how emotionally and financially devastating our divorce was. It took awhile, but I finally realized I had moved forward with my life. I had changed; I was no longer the person I was when we were married. And more importantly, I liked the new person I had become. The new me would never had put up with my ex for 21 years. She would have booted him out immediately. The new me had spunk, determination, self esteem and hope for the future.

My momentary reconnection with my ex is actually quite normal amongst divorced couples. There is that "whatever" that drew us together to begin with, so even though we had parted, that connection still remained between us. Call it chemistry, familiarity, bonding or lost friendship.  The truth is, my marriage wasn't all bad, there were a lot of good times, too. And as humans do for our self preservation, we tend to focus on the good and forget the bad.  So even though I had tried to sweep all the bad memories under my mattress, hoping they'd disappear, eventually they resurfaced, along with the dust, dirt and lint that had been keeping them company.

For me, the short relationship proved invaluable, because it helped me release the past for good. I no longer wondered, "what if"? My questions were answered and I was free to live my life without fear that I had made a dreadful mistake. I knew, without a doubt, that I had made the right decision in letting go and starting my life over.  Sometimes, do-overs are a wonderful thing!


Question! How many divorced women have slept with their ex-husbands after their divorce was final? Was it a good thing or a bad thing?

Mothers And Daughters

2011-12-01T18:16:22Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

If you are like me, you spent a lot of time analyzing your relationship with your mother. In my case, I never understood why my mother didn't love me. As an adult, I can now see my mother for the person she really is. My mother is independent, self centered and lacking that maternal gene required for a satisfying motherhood. It was obvious to everyone in my family that my mother should never have married, let alone have children. She was miserable married; she was miserable being a mother.

Children need love from both their father and their mother. When you don't receive that love, it leaves a hole in your heart. As a child, you internalize that neglect as a personal flaw, for certainly, all parents love their children. Especially mothers. This of course, is not true. Not all women are maternal; not all women find joy in their children.

As a society, we need to stop putting pressure on women to have children. If a woman doesn't want a child, she should not have a child. The preconceived notion that all women are maternal, that all women long for a family, is an antiquated thought process that is no longer valid. There are women who are happy single; who are happy childless; who are happy with a career. Those women should be allowed to thrive in the environment that best suits them.

Although feeling unloved was devastating, I still have empathy for my mother. She was forced to play a role she was never designed to play. Motherhood robbed her of her dreams; leaving her feeling empty. My mother envisioned herself living a life of self indulgence, which is what she craved. Instead, she was in a loveless marriage and forced to raise children that she viewed as a burden. My mother's unhappiness spread like wild fire, engulfing all of us with her discontent.

I on the other hand have enjoyed motherhood. For me, motherhood is my greatest accomplishment in my life. All other successes I may have achieved come second. But that is me. That is not and has never been my mother's thought process. My mother graduated top in her class when other women never even considered the idea of going to college. My mother was quite rightfully, very proud of her academic accomplishments. Had she not felt pressure to marry, to have children, she would have lived a very rich, rewarding life as a career woman.

My hope for women today, is that we are free to make the life choices that best meet our needs. That we can forge careers as single women if we choose, without society telling us there is something wrong with us. Or that women who are maternal, have the opportunity to raise their children on the home front, without being seen as less intelligent or capable as working women. That to me is what the women's movement has been about. Giving women the opportunity to be true to themselves, so that they can live gratifying, rewarding and productive lives.

Question: Are you contented in the life you chose, or did you feel forced to marry and have children? If you could start over anew, what would you do differently?

Life Happened On My Way To Sainthood

2011-12-01T02:47:12Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

I have to admit, I am very impressed with the women of my generation. Their accomplishments are long, note worthy and life changing for us all. And I'm not just talking about the women who are in the spotlight like Hilary Clinton (whom I greatly admire), but women in general.

Women, who for whatever reason, were not given the opportunity to graduated from high school, yet managed to work their way up the ladder to a decent paying job. Women who suffered abuse or neglect in their childhoods or marriages, who were able to pull their lives together, to raise their families with strong moral values. These are the women that impress me! I am in awe of their amazing accomplishments. Against impossible odds, these women stayed the course, suffered the hardships and created lives of value and worth.

I came from an abusive, neglectful family. We were not poor, but my parents lacked the ability to manage money, so we were always short on funds. My parents were self centered to boot, so my sibling and I were considered inconveniences in their lives.   It was made clear to me, that once I graduated high school, I was out the door. Since I graduated early my senior year (March), luck was on their side.

I had seriously considered becoming a nun, because for all intensive purposes, God saved me as a child. Without the love of God, I would have ended up on drugs, living a horrific life.   That plan was derailed, however when in junior high I met a boy and discovered I really liked boys a lot. So the nun idea was quickly replaced with Plan B. Become a famous actress and live in Beverly Hills.

I married young, had a child and discovered that I loved being a stay at home mom. At 27 I went to work full time (out of necessity) and have been working ever since. Along the way I got divorced (at 40 years old) and started my own company. My successes are small, but I am contented and happy with my life. I have found that the key to happiness is acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness. Acceptance that I will never have the lifestyle I've longed for; tolerance of those who greatly irritate me (the list grows longer every year); forgiveness of those who have betrayed and hurt me.

I would never have dreamed at 21, that this would be the life I would be living at 57 years old.  But things beyond my control transpired, flushing my life's dreams and goals down the toilet on more then one occasion. Each time I stood back up, dusted off my trousers and started pushing that boulder back up the hill from where I started. Not literally, of course, but that certainly is how it feels. With the recession, there are a lot of us having to revamp our lives and rethink our retirement plans. The older we become, the more difficult it is to start over.

To sum it up, I feel good about the women I call my peers. We are strong, intelligent, ambitious, generous and worthy of any and all praise that may be lavished upon us.   With each generation, it becomes easier for women to accomplish great things. Those accomplishments are never easily won, but they are winnable!

To quote Charlie Sheen (poor man, he had a rough year)... "Winning!"

Question: When you think about women you admire, who are they? And has your life turned out the way you planned?

Natalie Wood And Her Mysterious Death

2011-11-29T19:51:06Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

The mysterious death of Natalie Wood has been re-opened by the Los Angeles DA's Office. New evidence has come forward, that contradicts the theory that Natalie's death was an accident. Is anyone surprised by this revelation?

Fans of Natalie Wood (along with her sister, Lana Wood) have always believed that foul play was involved in her death. But back then, Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner were Hollywood royalty and royalty is never held to the same accountability as mere peasants are.

If the police had truly researched the events of that night; the long delay in calling the police to report Natalie missing; the numerous credible witnesses who heard a woman crying for help; the reasoning for the argument between Natalie Wood And Robert Wagner that evening, what would the final outcome had been? I still find it troublesome that a husband would wait four hours to call for help, when his wife was missing at sea. A wife who was terrified of water and intoxicated.

As the details become available, I am sure we will all feel shocked and sadden by the events that robbed the world of Natalie Wood. Natalie should never had died. Is the failure to save a human being a crime? If Robert Wagner ignored pleas for help, is he criminally
responsible? Morally, Robert Wagner, the captain of the Splendour (Dennis Daveron) and Christopher Walken (the fourth person on board that evening), certainly should have done more then they did.

Question: Do you think if Robert Wagner, Dennis Daveron and Christopher Walken are found negligible for the death of Natalie Wood, that they should face jail time?

Sex In The City Has Fizzled For Me

2011-11-29T19:15:36Z

Comments By: Katherine Elizabeth MacIntyre

The Ladies Of New York City! During my 40's I absolutely loved this series. I once spent a 3 day holiday doing nothing but watching Sex In The City, Season 1 from beginning to end. I was in 7th heaven, nestled in my bed, munching on popcorn and living vicariously through the girl's New York lives. (Obviously I was divorced with grown children or the 3 day veg out would never have been possible. I love being single for just this reason).

My life has never been as exciting or fashion rich as what the girl's lives were. Instead, I lived in a small town where jeans were considered dress up (as long as they were clean). I longed to be a New York resident and strut the cat walk of the busy streets of New York, whipping my hair, hiding behind my designer dark sunglasses, in 3 inch heels. It all seemed amazing to me at the time.

Fast forward 12 years and suddenly the girl's lives seemed a bit (shall I say it?) shallow. Their conversation was uninteresting and their fashion choices a bit hideous at times. Age has a way of making you realize that all that glitters, isn't gold. Sometimes it's just simply fools gold with no value or worth.

I like to think that age has provided me with wisdom, strength and a much needed sense of humor about life's truths. Living in a small town has it's perks and benefits. Such as when I'm too, tired from working 10 hours to dress up, I can throw on my (clean) jeans, head to town and still be dressed appropriately. If I had to dress to the nine to buy milk, I'd have to give up dairy products all together. Maybe this is why home grocery delivery is so popular in the big cities! I'm not the only one wasted at the end of the day, looking like the dog drug me three blocks home.

Sex In The City was a fun ride which I will always remember fondly. And to keep those fond memories in tact, I will forgo watching any more reruns! I actually found myself cringing at the ladies topics of conversations and the lack of true substance in their lives.   And incredibly so, I found myself wondering my Carrie spent so much time worrying about Big! Big, the man upon who all fantasy dreams were based. Frankly, Carrie needed to give Big the boot. Smart women; foolish choices. Need I say more?

Question:   Has anyone revisited The Sex In The City sitcom lately? Did you relive the high you once felt or were you slightly appalled that you hero worshipped the girls?